Grateful for What You Have

Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends, and a gentle weekend to everyone else.

Some of the hardest things I do aren't on any job description. They're the expectations I set for myself: the rules about what a good day looks like, and what I have to finish before I'm allowed to feel okay.

One day, Jurie looked over my to-do list and said, "No wonder you feel like you're failing at life."

It had five projects on it, and one of them was to save the world single-handedly. The rest of the list was: clean the whole house, cook five meals, volunteer at the seniors' home, come up with a free workout plan for the community, and then advertise, plan, schedule and run the event.

Then he showed me his. It said things like get out of bed, brush your teeth, get dressed.

We laughed, because it was funny. But it also showed me the gap. My list wasn't a list of tasks. It was a measure of whether I was enough, and no day can meet that measure.

I've been setting the bar that high for a long time. Then I fall short, and I tell myself that short means failure. It doesn't. It means the bar was unreasonable.

So this weekend, try a different question. Instead of "What haven't I done yet?", ask:

Name three things you're grateful for, or three things you didn't have a year ago.

Here are mine:

1. My family. The people who show up, even when I'm not at my best.

2. My friendships. Some of them have carried me through more than I've ever said out loud.

3. Putting myself first, and focusing on my health. It took me a long time to believe I was allowed to do that.

Your day has the hours it has. Make your plan fit inside them, and notice how much is already there.

With love, Lili